The Dating Game: Pushing 30

I turn 28 this December, and my parents have recently started telling me that I am pushing 30. Suddenly, they have taken an interest in my love life, and it is just weird.

To give you a little more background, I have to say that my parents and I are not in the habit of talking openly about most subjects in life. We have never had that type of relationship. I love my parents, and would do anything for them, just as they would for me, but I learned from a very young age to reveal nothing to them about my life outside of work and school. It’s almost as if they don’t really know who I am. It’s sad, but it’s the truth. Maybe it’s my Asian upbringing, or maybe it’s specifically my family. One example of this is how my mom recently told me that she had heard that I swear a lot on Facebook. I told her that I swear a lot in life. I grew up in Boston… it’s just what we do there. It might seem insane that it’s taken her 28 years to realize this about me, but here we are. Now, dating is a subject that has definitely been out of bounds for as long as I can remember. Even when I was 22, I HINTED that I might have a boyfriend, and my parents told me I was still too young to be in a relationship.

3179468017785551

The Turning Point

Things are different now. At my sister’s tea ceremony a couple years ago, my father asked me if I was dating anyone at the time. I automatically told him ‘No,’ even though I was, at the time, in an extremely tumultuous relationship with someone I’m glad I no longer have contact with. His response? “It doesn’t make sense… it just doesn’t make any sense. Have you EVER had a boyfriend?” To this, my mom announced to the entire room “She’s had A LOT.” Apparently, my mom always had some vague idea of what was going on in my life, but chose not to say anything for 26 years. I came home with the distinct feeling that my parents were beginning to worry about me, and whether or not I had any prospects lined up, or if I was even desirable to anyone of the opposite sex.

Now that their other children are all married off, my parents have been waiting for me to bring someone home. Since my sister’s wedding, I’ve moved back in with my parents, which has made it more difficult to hide my life from them, but now it seems they are extremely interested. A few months ago, my dad told me that he’s just waiting for me to get married, and then he’ll be able to sleep more easily at night. Way to put on the pressure, Pops.

How Does This Affect Me?

I have become neurotic. I have become a different person – a more self-conscious version of myself. Throughout life, I have been a serial monogamist. I have had several long term relationships, followed by earth-shattering breakups. I have felt rejection more times than I can count, and I grow more and more weary (and wary) as time passes. At the beginning of this year, I went through a period of some serious self-reflection, wondering what it is about me that is undesirable to men. I have settled on the vague conclusion that it has nothing to do with my physical beauty (or potential lack there-of), but more to do with some character flaw that I am failing to see. I am the girl that guys like to have fun with for a while, but ultimately not someone they would consider spending the rest of their lives with, despite having a great career, being certifiably intelligent (I literally have a certificate that shows my genius-level IQ), being great in the sack (I’ve heard), and being the perfect combination of sassy and sweet. Don’t feel too bad for me though, because during my month long pity-party, I actually dropped about 8 lbs. Silver lining!

44dd7ecbd8d53c54fb4cb30306b7e910

These days, dating has become somewhat of a numbers game to me. Some would call it “playing the field,” but my sister likes to call it “being a ho-fo-sho.” Is there anything wrong with dating multiple people non-exclusively? Well, that’s up for debate, I guess, and the answer continues to elude me. I struggle with the possibility of hurting someone’s feelings, but at the same time… it’s happened to me so many times, can I really feel all that guilty? Isn’t this just how the game is played?

As far as keeping up appearances at home, I periodically drop hints to my parents when I’m going out on a date, just to get them off my back. It’s uncomfortable and awkward, as I’m not accustomed to being even slightly transparent with my family, but I can tell it puts their minds at ease, at least temporarily.

So what is the moral of this story? There really is none. I just thought I would share how totally screwed up my love life currently is, and how it effects my relationship with my parents. If you can draw some sort of moral or life-lesson from this mess, please feel free to share below. Thanks for reading!

8 comments
0 likes
Prev post: Organix Nourishing Coconut Oil Hydrating Mist and Coconut Milk Anti-Breakage SerumNext post: 5 Stages of Makeup, By Age

Related posts

Comments

  • Nidia Martinez Doherty

    February 15, 2014 at 4:33 pm
    Reply

    I can feel your pain coming through this post. Self-reflection can be a good thing, but I find it more helpful to focus on the […] Read MoreI can feel your pain coming through this post. Self-reflection can be a good thing, but I find it more helpful to focus on the positive. As the great RuPaul says, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else? Can I get an a-ment?" A-men. Read Less

  • Anastasia Smith

    February 15, 2014 at 4:38 pm
    Reply

    All I can say is wow, must be tough to have that constant pressure every day. I don't really have any advice, because I never […] Read MoreAll I can say is wow, must be tough to have that constant pressure every day. I don't really have any advice, because I never went through anything like that myself, but I'm sure it'll all work out somehow in the end. Read Less

  • Phyrra Nyx

    February 15, 2014 at 6:39 pm
    Reply

    *hug* I do not envy you dealing with the dating game. You're smart and beautiful, and that intimidates men, I'm sad to say. I'm confident […] Read More*hug* I do not envy you dealing with the dating game. You're smart and beautiful, and that intimidates men, I'm sad to say. I'm confident you will find the right person! Read Less

  • Brooke Pakulski

    February 15, 2014 at 7:54 pm
    Reply

    You always meet the person you're meant for when you're not looking!

  • Nicki Zevola

    February 15, 2014 at 11:01 pm
    Reply

    My dad's been like this since I turned 28 as well. But keep in mind some of the most successful and seemingly content women out […] Read MoreMy dad's been like this since I turned 28 as well. But keep in mind some of the most successful and seemingly content women out there -- Sheryl Sandberg, Marissa Meyer -- didn't marry their life partners until 33 or 34. It takes time sometimes! Keep in mind too that whoever you pick you have to spend your 30's and 40's with too! Read Less

  • Lisa Marie Heath

    February 16, 2014 at 2:53 am
    Reply

    That would be tough and way too much pressure. I've already been married... didn't work out. You'll find the right person in time, […] Read MoreThat would be tough and way too much pressure. I've already been married... didn't work out. You'll find the right person in time, and rushing it just causes you to make mistakes. Read Less

  • Betzy Carmona

    February 17, 2014 at 6:13 am
    Reply

    I need to practice this more as well

  • Anisha Le-Great Giri

    February 17, 2014 at 8:23 pm
    Reply

    I watch my sister and friends go through this daily and it's just frustrating for me mostly because I can practically feel their anxiety radiating […] Read MoreI watch my sister and friends go through this daily and it's just frustrating for me mostly because I can practically feel their anxiety radiating from their bodies. I think it's unfair that women have been pushed into this age threshold and it doesn't help when people ask why you haven't "caught" someone yet. More often than not, it's not by choice and I wish people would give women more props for waiting it out despite their age for someone who's worthy of them. Shame on people. Read Less

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *